The intimidation of having your own website

I am so intimidated by my website. It is what I say I am to the world. But how do I know who I am to the world? I don’t trust what I tell myself I am - as that’s not always positive if I’m honest.

After I did the panel on the gender wage gap, I had an anxiety attack and couldn’t check social media until the next night. I would let out huge sighs when a wave of “oh my god that sucked” or “I bet people thought I was stupid” would run through my mind, with visions of them unfriending me and terrible emails filling my inbox.

One exercise I find quite helpful when this happens is “What if”. As in, what if it all works out?

Here’s an example - It’s hard to write out as I feel like you can’t really free flow - I recorded it and here’s the transcript:

What if, now that I've put the recording of the wage gap video up on YouTube, what if millions of people see that around the world and start to understand the wage gap and what if as a result of this, all the people on this panel are asked to speak again. And we ended up building a curriculum on this. And what if this goes to a huge global conference where we talk about this even more in-depth, and we're able to build working models around the world? And what is this wage gap conversation leads to me getting more speaking opportunities on this or being able to really advocate on this issue, and bring with me the people who are doing the work on the ground or who have done or before and what if we’re able to build a unified network of experts around the globe that are working on dismantling this and with real legislation, and real transformation - in all areas where women are employed.

You can see it can get quite transformed vs what’s in your head.

Now I’m going to do that again with this website. Eeps.

What if launching my website means that I get to bring more attention to the issues that face women in the workplace and in acquiring wealth and in owning their own businesses, the economy of women? What if I'm known for amplifying and building the economy of women and building the transformational nature of what it is to be a woman in the workplace and what if, as a result of me building this website and putting my name on it and putting it on the internet, I'm able to have these kinds of conversations with people and really highlight the economy of women. And the difference that we make and I'm able to get more money into the hands of women, more women rise in positions of power and politics and as a result, we build a more inclusive and just and planet-friendly world.

Wow. I just closed my eyes, turned otter.ai on to record, and here it is. What a vision statement. And I seemed to come up with “The economy of Women” which I now need to trademark and stamp as my podcast and event series name from now on.